Hello everyone,
Earlier today I decided to catch up
on some Youtube videos I hadn't gotten to yet, and one of them was this video by Morgan Paige. I always like watching Morgan's vlogs as they're generally very cheerful and optimistic. This one however, was a more serious
one, in which she wanted to show another side of hers. In doing so, she
revealed a lot of personal experiences and insecurities, which really
got me thinking and is why I'm blogging about it now.
For
one I was really surprised at some of the things she said as I would've
never expected them about, or to happen to, her. This got me thinking
though, and made me remember what I've known for quite some time
already: That everyone's gone through certain things, but it is because
of those things we are who we are. I actually take that idea (also known
as the butterfly effect) quite seriously and believe that every single
event, no matter how small, influences it's environment, people
included. It is exactly those key moments you wish you could take back
that leave a mark, that get to you, that have changed who you were into
who you are today. Is that a good thing? It's hard to say. In most cases
I'd say 'yes', especially if you're generally happy with who you are.
I'd also tend to say (with some caution) that I believe if you haven't
faced any real hardships, you won't enjoy the good things for what they
are as much. (One nasty tendency we humans have is we don't know how good
something is until it's gone.) On the other hand, I can imagine
traumatic events that really change you, break you if you will, and have
a opposite effect of making you enjoy things less than before.
Another
thing I noticed about the video was the scary amount of similarities
there were between how her and I think about ourselves and life in
general. A few of them as stated in the video are:
- not fitting in; hard to 'label'
- wanting to move out; wanting a change (own interpretation: 'moving on')
- willing to drop everything for a friend if they need you, but not wanting them to do the same
- don't like asking for help, being dependent
- over-analytical
- having self-image issues
- thinking showing emotions is weak; wanting to detach from them
- scared of opening up to people; afraid of being hurt (or in my case: afraid people will think the idea being shared is weird)
Now I do have to say that I've 'gotten over' some of those ideas and of course some are present in more moderate amounts than others, but I still found it exceptional. On the other hand, maybe it's not so exceptional. Everyone has insecurities of course and quite possibly these are just some of the most common ones. If they are though, why do we tend to keep them to ourselves, or to let others get to us because of them?
Easy. Because we tend to glorify others in our minds. Here's a quote from Morgan (said video's description) that covers what I mean quite well:
"Although it doesn't apply to everyone, I feel like some people forget
that who people are in their videos, is only one side of who they are as
a person. We are all different, quirky, and broken. There are no
exceptions to that. There are only people that hide it well."
Because people usually only see one side of you (the 'good' one) (not just in videos, but real life too), there exists this mental image that you must have it made somehow. That you're never anxious, depressed or mad. That you live your life pretty much carefree and that, thus, their own life is so much harder. It's not. I have to confess though, that I do exactly the same thing. But why? Knowing that I do it, why don't I stop? The be honest I haven't really figured that one out yet. Maybe it's because we want, or in some cases even need, to believe in people as strong as we imagine them to be. Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism, or maybe it's just plain old naivety.
Either way, those were just some of the things going through my mind just now. I haven't been able to phrase everything the way I wanted it to, but I can say that watching that video writing this entry has helped me clear my mind and realize a couple of things. One of which is that everyone deals with certain issues, big or small, and how, looking back, I really have hardly anything to complain about. =)
-Patrick
