Hello everyone,
Earlier today I decided to catch up
on some Youtube videos I hadn't gotten to yet, and one of them was this video by Morgan Paige. I always like watching Morgan's vlogs as they're generally very cheerful and optimistic. This one however, was a more serious
one, in which she wanted to show another side of hers. In doing so, she
revealed a lot of personal experiences and insecurities, which really
got me thinking and is why I'm blogging about it now.
For
one I was really surprised at some of the things she said as I would've
never expected them about, or to happen to, her. This got me thinking
though, and made me remember what I've known for quite some time
already: That everyone's gone through certain things, but it is because
of those things we are who we are. I actually take that idea (also known
as the butterfly effect) quite seriously and believe that every single
event, no matter how small, influences it's environment, people
included. It is exactly those key moments you wish you could take back
that leave a mark, that get to you, that have changed who you were into
who you are today. Is that a good thing? It's hard to say. In most cases
I'd say 'yes', especially if you're generally happy with who you are.
I'd also tend to say (with some caution) that I believe if you haven't
faced any real hardships, you won't enjoy the good things for what they
are as much. (One nasty tendency we humans have is we don't know how good
something is until it's gone.) On the other hand, I can imagine
traumatic events that really change you, break you if you will, and have
a opposite effect of making you enjoy things less than before.
Another
thing I noticed about the video was the scary amount of similarities
there were between how her and I think about ourselves and life in
general. A few of them as stated in the video are:
- not fitting in; hard to 'label'
- wanting to move out; wanting a change (own interpretation: 'moving on')
- willing to drop everything for a friend if they need you, but not wanting them to do the same
- don't like asking for help, being dependent
- over-analytical
- having self-image issues
- thinking showing emotions is weak; wanting to detach from them
- scared of opening up to people; afraid of being hurt (or in my case: afraid people will think the idea being shared is weird)
Now I do have to say that I've 'gotten over' some of those ideas and of course some are present in more moderate amounts than others, but I still found it exceptional. On the other hand, maybe it's not so exceptional. Everyone has insecurities of course and quite possibly these are just some of the most common ones. If they are though, why do we tend to keep them to ourselves, or to let others get to us because of them?
Easy. Because we tend to glorify others in our minds. Here's a quote from Morgan (said video's description) that covers what I mean quite well:
"Although it doesn't apply to everyone, I feel like some people forget
that who people are in their videos, is only one side of who they are as
a person. We are all different, quirky, and broken. There are no
exceptions to that. There are only people that hide it well."
Because people usually only see one side of you (the 'good' one) (not just in videos, but real life too), there exists this mental image that you must have it made somehow. That you're never anxious, depressed or mad. That you live your life pretty much carefree and that, thus, their own life is so much harder. It's not. I have to confess though, that I do exactly the same thing. But why? Knowing that I do it, why don't I stop? The be honest I haven't really figured that one out yet. Maybe it's because we want, or in some cases even need, to believe in people as strong as we imagine them to be. Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism, or maybe it's just plain old naivety.
Either way, those were just some of the things going through my mind just now. I haven't been able to phrase everything the way I wanted it to, but I can say that watching that video writing this entry has helped me clear my mind and realize a couple of things. One of which is that everyone deals with certain issues, big or small, and how, looking back, I really have hardly anything to complain about. =)
-Patrick
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Online Persona
As some of you may know, I've been having some online security issues lately. Both my e-mail accounts are sending spam and we've had an uninvited visitor on our network, sending messages to, and at one point partially controlling, my brother's laptop.
After discovering I was sending out spam from my msn-address I've started rethinking my options. The most obvious was, of course, changing my passwords. I also sent a mail asking for other counter-measures and more concrete information (such as where the mails were sent from) to Hotmail's abuse team. (They responded by simply deactivating my account, forcing me to verify myself and change my password.. again.) None of this proved effective though, as the next day the same thing happened, now also from my G-mail account. I log in from a Mac exclusively, so while unlikely, I decided to do a virus/ malware scan on it. Nothing showed up. Then the thought of abandoning my current accounts and making a new one crossed my mind and a realized something: That would be a humongous pain in the ass. Not only would I need to notify my friends and colleague of my new address, I'd also have to update it for every service or account that has that e-mail registered, including games, social media, fora, newsletters, official organizations and more... As Mercedes from Glee would say: Aaw, hell to the no!
This got me thinking as to how, even though each service requires their own form of authentication, a person's e-mail address is like the master key-card is in a hotel; it can open all the doors. Go to a site, click "forgot your password" and you get a mail with either the password itself or a link to reset it, no questions asked.
And I'm not even mentioning the kind of stunts one could pull with another's e-mail address. Sure, generally these scams are even more transparent than a new layer in Photoshop is, but it can definitely be done right. One could almost compare this to identity theft.
So how come something so important is still so (relatively) easy to compromise? And even if there were no viruses, malware or what-have-you, all it takes to reset the password is the secret question (usually a choice of ±7) and accompanying answer, which many people probably answer truthfully. As the internet becomes part of our everyday lives more and more, I think we'll have to find some new and better ways of identifying ourselves online. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if iris scans or finger-printing would be standard procedure to log in in several years. Though as I'm writing this, I realize even those can be manipulated. So I wonder, will we ever find a way to authenticate ourselves without chances of impersonation, or this just a utopian idea, built on hope and nothing more? Only time will tell.
After discovering I was sending out spam from my msn-address I've started rethinking my options. The most obvious was, of course, changing my passwords. I also sent a mail asking for other counter-measures and more concrete information (such as where the mails were sent from) to Hotmail's abuse team. (They responded by simply deactivating my account, forcing me to verify myself and change my password.. again.) None of this proved effective though, as the next day the same thing happened, now also from my G-mail account. I log in from a Mac exclusively, so while unlikely, I decided to do a virus/ malware scan on it. Nothing showed up. Then the thought of abandoning my current accounts and making a new one crossed my mind and a realized something: That would be a humongous pain in the ass. Not only would I need to notify my friends and colleague of my new address, I'd also have to update it for every service or account that has that e-mail registered, including games, social media, fora, newsletters, official organizations and more... As Mercedes from Glee would say: Aaw, hell to the no!
This got me thinking as to how, even though each service requires their own form of authentication, a person's e-mail address is like the master key-card is in a hotel; it can open all the doors. Go to a site, click "forgot your password" and you get a mail with either the password itself or a link to reset it, no questions asked.
And I'm not even mentioning the kind of stunts one could pull with another's e-mail address. Sure, generally these scams are even more transparent than a new layer in Photoshop is, but it can definitely be done right. One could almost compare this to identity theft.
So how come something so important is still so (relatively) easy to compromise? And even if there were no viruses, malware or what-have-you, all it takes to reset the password is the secret question (usually a choice of ±7) and accompanying answer, which many people probably answer truthfully. As the internet becomes part of our everyday lives more and more, I think we'll have to find some new and better ways of identifying ourselves online. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if iris scans or finger-printing would be standard procedure to log in in several years. Though as I'm writing this, I realize even those can be manipulated. So I wonder, will we ever find a way to authenticate ourselves without chances of impersonation, or this just a utopian idea, built on hope and nothing more? Only time will tell.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Ave, Mundi!
Hello! Welcome to my blog!
Yes, the time has come for me to finally enter the blogosphere and start posting whatever it is that's going through my head. Why? Excellent question! Cue the explanation!
The first and foremost reason is because I've thought about blogging several times before already, but always backed out at the last minute because I figured I'd never have anything interesting to say. However, on multiple occasions now, I did... I just didn't have a blog to put it on.
Reason number two is that I'd like a platform where I don't have to worry about who might be reading what I have or want to say. That may sound silly, but my Twitter for instance is a mix of different audiences who follow me, and who I follow, but there's definitely a clear majority of Blender-followers there. I don't mind this, au contraire, but it does make me feel somewhat... reserved, about what I post on there. Here, I don't wanna, and I'm not gonna. This blog comes without guarantees and may contain entries about anything from fluffy bunnies to game design endeavors. From Pokémon to Python-scripts. From philosophical views to... you get the idea.
My next post will probably be a more introductory kind of post, telling you all a bit about myself, my interests, hobbies, study, pets... Heh, this is starting to sound like an eighth grade show-and-tell. Anywho, we'll see how it goes from there. ;)
Thanks for reading and see you soon!
-Pat out
Yes, the time has come for me to finally enter the blogosphere and start posting whatever it is that's going through my head. Why? Excellent question! Cue the explanation!
The first and foremost reason is because I've thought about blogging several times before already, but always backed out at the last minute because I figured I'd never have anything interesting to say. However, on multiple occasions now, I did... I just didn't have a blog to put it on.
Reason number two is that I'd like a platform where I don't have to worry about who might be reading what I have or want to say. That may sound silly, but my Twitter for instance is a mix of different audiences who follow me, and who I follow, but there's definitely a clear majority of Blender-followers there. I don't mind this, au contraire, but it does make me feel somewhat... reserved, about what I post on there. Here, I don't wanna, and I'm not gonna. This blog comes without guarantees and may contain entries about anything from fluffy bunnies to game design endeavors. From Pokémon to Python-scripts. From philosophical views to... you get the idea.
My next post will probably be a more introductory kind of post, telling you all a bit about myself, my interests, hobbies, study, pets... Heh, this is starting to sound like an eighth grade show-and-tell. Anywho, we'll see how it goes from there. ;)
Thanks for reading and see you soon!
-Pat out
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