Hello everyone,
Several people have previously asked me how I feel about the Blender Game Engine. After getting into this a couple of times on Twitter I figured it would be time to write a full-fledged blog encompassing my thoughts on the matter in more than little chunks of 140 characters.
Allow me to start with making a very bold statement: The BGE does not belong in Blender.
While it is much more nuanced than that, I do feel that way a bit. The main reason for this is that it doesn't live up to other game engines, and seems to be in the same list of poor relations as the VSE. It has potentional, but to reach that potentional a lot would have to happen. The big question then becomes: Is it worth it? In my opinion: maybe... but probably not.
Here's why. Blender is aiming to be an all-in-one 3D suite, suitable for any part of the production pipeline. In most cases, these parts go together really well. After making a model, UV-unwrapping, texturing, skinning and animating seem like natural next steps (depending on the project of course). The tools needed for these operations seem closely related and complement each other nicely in most cases. Vertex Groups and Weight Painting for instance can be used for a multitude of applications, from masking to skinning to distributing particles. The BGE however seems to be completely separated from the majority of everything else, already making it feel like the odd one out.
Most game engines expect you to have all of your assets ready, and made in an external program. In some cases you can model from within the engine, but for all intents and purposes you go to a dedicated 3D application to do that. And that's not a bad thing, far from it! It allows game engine developers to focus on that, the engine, rather than reinventing the wheel of extrusion and non-obtrusive modeling workflows. This way, the two programs complement each other very nicely. I think the same could be said the other way around. Instead of trying to also incorporate a game engine, I feel Blender would benefit far more from creating awesome tools for all it's other departments. In it's core, Blender is a 3D suite, and that's where it needs to shine (and is, in my opinion)!
It is very common in production pipelines to use many different applications across one project. For instance, it's not uncommon for a character to be modeled in 3DS Max, retopologized in 3D Coat, textured in BodyPaint, skinned and posed or animated in Maya and rendered in Octane. Finding each program's strengths is a good thing. Personally, I prefer doing most of the aforementioned tasks all in Blender since it's done a tremendous job of combining all of them into a single, powerful application, that is great at what it does. However, while I do use Texture Paint in some cases, I generally run to Photoshop or the GIMP for anything more than some solid colors and strokes. The Texture Paint tools simply can't outweigh their dedicated counter-parts, and that perfectly fine; they're not supposed to.
So why is it that I don't think Texture paint should go then, while I did just say so of the BGE? In the case of textures, mockups or simple changes are much more common than with games. If I simply want to try some color palettes, add some Color Burn or change the saturation, I use Blender. I could then save the image there, and continue work on it in Photoshop if needed. The same can not be said for games. Granted, in some cases a different engine is used for a mock-up or a proof of concept than the actual game, but that typically has to do with time restraints and/ or efficiency. Currently, the BGE is not at a point where it can be used for quick development of anything too complicated. Anything that is done here is non-transferable to other programs, putting the BGE in a position that doesn't make it very applicable.
This leads right back to the question of whether or not it could/ should be developed more to reach a point where it would be. In my opinion, that answer is no. There is very good reason game engines are separate from most 3D packages (I think Blender's the only one combining them), the first and foremost being the sheer amount of features needed, and the quality thereof. The second is that there's more to it than just some tools. Each engine has a very specific workflow, exposing all the needed properties and assets as needed. This includes things like an asset browser of sorts, integrated version control and optimizations made specifically for real-time applications. While blender has nice integrated scripting (albeit without auto-complete), it lacks built-in things like dedicated Update()/ fixedUpdate()/ OnCollisionEnter() functions (Most other engines), the realtime editing of public variables (Unity) or an easy-to-use State system (UDK). Some of these can be worked around, but it will never be as quick and easy as in a dedicated game engine. The same goes for things like a terrain editor, real-time fluids, post-processing effect, or even something as basic as a GUI system.
Now all of this could be added in, of course, but would it really be worth all the time and effort? I don't have any numbers, but aside from Yo Frankie! and a Sintel game I don't think ever got finished I haven't heard of much games being made with it, and I sincerely doubt many people are using it for anything other than adding simple interactivity or as an entry-point to trying to make a game. So is the BGE really something that we would like to see 'take on' engines like Unity, to try and get more serious game developers to use it?
Another, completely unrelated, issue with the BGE is it's exporting and licensing. Currently it's GPL license prevents you from making and distributing a commercial application with it without also releasing the source. This is quite unfortunate and very limiting to most users.
So does this mean the BGE is doomed and has no place at all in Blender? I don't think so. I think one place it could really shine is it's use for scientific research and interactive applications. Because it is so closely integrated with Blender it provides a great entry point to add interactivity to certain visualizations. Drawing on what I've seen the the Blender Conference last year, I could imagine quite a few practical uses for it with just a couple of modifications. Think along the lines of easily navigating around a procedurally created molecule, watching it's atoms wriggle and rotate, or making a simulation of wind resistance around a car, or EM waves emitted by a cell phone. In these kind of fields, I could definitely see the BGE serve a very nice purpose. Maybe not as a game engine, but rather as an interactive simulation enviroment. Maybe, as the BISE.
-Patrick
PS: Please let me know your views on this subject as well; I'd love to hear them!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Desires and fame
Hello everyone,
This post is inspired by and a loose reply to this blog by Justin Marr I just read. In it, Justin talks about the concept of fame and how people look at celebrities. This is actually something I've thought about quite a lot before and considering he ended his blog with "What is your concept of fame?", I figured I might as well take this opportunity and tell you about my own views regarding this topic.
The 'Why'
For one I am a firm believer of "you always want what you don't or can't have". I believe it is a desire innate in people and impossible to ignore. Now don't get me wrong, that's a good thing! Wanting things that you don't already have makes you raise the bar, set goals and pursue them. It forms the basis of many a motivation and without it life would be a dull place.
This goes for materialistic goods (wanting the new Playstation 4), personal development (wanting to be more assertive), professional/ artistic development and skillsets (wanting to be as good an animator as the Lead Animator at Pixar) and, the point of this paragraph, relationships.
So imagine you're at school or work and you spot a new guy. He seems nice and fun to hang with, so you walk up to him, have a chat, find out he's a cat person so you exchange some litter-box grains tips and get back to work. That was nice. Maybe you'll have lunch with him sometime. -The end-
Now imagine you're watching TV and see a new actor or actress. You IMDB that person, watch a couple of videos or vlogs of them and think: "He seems nice and fun to hang with". So far so good, except this time there's a catch: you can't walk up to him and make a chat. Knowing this (and going by my "you want what you can't have" rule), it only intensifies your desire to do so! You want to meet them, but you can't. Shoot. You watch some more of their videos or listen to some more of their songs. Already knowing you won't be able to talk to them, you start looking for all of the good things you're missing out on. "Oh man, he's so funny! That's exactly my kind of humor! We'd be total BFFs if we had the chance...".
This positive filtering in turn leads to a form of admiration and glorification, at which point I can have the pleasure of calling you a 'fan' of that person.
On top of that, knowing that you won't be able to approach them like any other person creates this sense of elitism, of them being 'out of your league' or 'in a different range than you', yielding the same result as and amplifying the previous.
Now of course there are many other factors at play as well, such as you only seeing celebrities at their best or in their element; they know they're being filmed so they act differently than they normally would. Real life doesn't have this luxury of selective exposure. However, I believe the "not being able to meet them" weighs heaviest of all in this.
Conclusion
So what do I make of all this? Like I mentioned before, I think it's definitely a good thing to have these kind of wants, reachable or otherwise. Even if your goals are impossible to reach you still gain a lot from trying to get there regardless.
In the case of celebrities, you probably won't be getting anything tangible out of it, thought it's still great and harmless fun to be a fan of someone. Especially through the use of social media like Twitter celebrities are more accessible than ever, and that moment you get @replied by your idol is pretty great. Also being able reply to a famous person's Tweets (and subsequently to other fans' Tweets) can give you a sense of involvement, which is only positive. Lastly, because the person you're a fan of has this important status to you, they may inspire you, or help you feel motivated to reach your goals. Again, only good things.
To answer the original question posed by Justin: My concept of fame is that it's the result of a necessity inherent in all of us. It is something that, while not the most rational thing on this planet, is something that can connect people and entice people to pursue their dreams.
Final Thoughts
I've only mentioned celebrities and fans in this post, but this can happen on any scale. People you can't reach for whatever reason, people from your workfield, etc.
I'd also like to stress that I am not basing any of this on scientific works or proven theories, but rather solely on my own ideas and experiences. Anything proclaimed as a fact should be read as "I think that ..." or "In my opinion ...".
Hope you enjoyed this read and catch you later!
-Patrick
This post is inspired by and a loose reply to this blog by Justin Marr I just read. In it, Justin talks about the concept of fame and how people look at celebrities. This is actually something I've thought about quite a lot before and considering he ended his blog with "What is your concept of fame?", I figured I might as well take this opportunity and tell you about my own views regarding this topic.
The 'Why'
For one I am a firm believer of "you always want what you don't or can't have". I believe it is a desire innate in people and impossible to ignore. Now don't get me wrong, that's a good thing! Wanting things that you don't already have makes you raise the bar, set goals and pursue them. It forms the basis of many a motivation and without it life would be a dull place.
This goes for materialistic goods (wanting the new Playstation 4), personal development (wanting to be more assertive), professional/ artistic development and skillsets (wanting to be as good an animator as the Lead Animator at Pixar) and, the point of this paragraph, relationships.
So imagine you're at school or work and you spot a new guy. He seems nice and fun to hang with, so you walk up to him, have a chat, find out he's a cat person so you exchange some litter-box grains tips and get back to work. That was nice. Maybe you'll have lunch with him sometime. -The end-
Now imagine you're watching TV and see a new actor or actress. You IMDB that person, watch a couple of videos or vlogs of them and think: "He seems nice and fun to hang with". So far so good, except this time there's a catch: you can't walk up to him and make a chat. Knowing this (and going by my "you want what you can't have" rule), it only intensifies your desire to do so! You want to meet them, but you can't. Shoot. You watch some more of their videos or listen to some more of their songs. Already knowing you won't be able to talk to them, you start looking for all of the good things you're missing out on. "Oh man, he's so funny! That's exactly my kind of humor! We'd be total BFFs if we had the chance...".
This positive filtering in turn leads to a form of admiration and glorification, at which point I can have the pleasure of calling you a 'fan' of that person.
On top of that, knowing that you won't be able to approach them like any other person creates this sense of elitism, of them being 'out of your league' or 'in a different range than you', yielding the same result as and amplifying the previous.
Now of course there are many other factors at play as well, such as you only seeing celebrities at their best or in their element; they know they're being filmed so they act differently than they normally would. Real life doesn't have this luxury of selective exposure. However, I believe the "not being able to meet them" weighs heaviest of all in this.
Conclusion
So what do I make of all this? Like I mentioned before, I think it's definitely a good thing to have these kind of wants, reachable or otherwise. Even if your goals are impossible to reach you still gain a lot from trying to get there regardless.
In the case of celebrities, you probably won't be getting anything tangible out of it, thought it's still great and harmless fun to be a fan of someone. Especially through the use of social media like Twitter celebrities are more accessible than ever, and that moment you get @replied by your idol is pretty great. Also being able reply to a famous person's Tweets (and subsequently to other fans' Tweets) can give you a sense of involvement, which is only positive. Lastly, because the person you're a fan of has this important status to you, they may inspire you, or help you feel motivated to reach your goals. Again, only good things.
To answer the original question posed by Justin: My concept of fame is that it's the result of a necessity inherent in all of us. It is something that, while not the most rational thing on this planet, is something that can connect people and entice people to pursue their dreams.
Final Thoughts
I've only mentioned celebrities and fans in this post, but this can happen on any scale. People you can't reach for whatever reason, people from your workfield, etc.
I'd also like to stress that I am not basing any of this on scientific works or proven theories, but rather solely on my own ideas and experiences. Anything proclaimed as a fact should be read as "I think that ..." or "In my opinion ...".
Hope you enjoyed this read and catch you later!
-Patrick
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Future of the Internet
Greetings Earthlings!
Earlier today (Jan. 24th, 2012) Google announced some more-than-minor changes to it's Privacy Policy and ToS. As far as I can tell at the time of writing, it's not that big of a deal to the general public yet, but I expect it will be before too long. Reading this article from the Washington Post, there already appear to be some major concerns (as there should be imho), so I expect the crowds to follow soon. Now before I jump on the bandwagon and talk about why I think this is a bad move from Google, I just want to say one thing about the internet in general.
Up until about a week ago we were all rebelling against the proposed SOPA and PIPA bills that would severely damage the free and open internet as we know it. During this time some people expressed their opinions against those opposing the bills, not only by stating the bills would be a good thing and that 'good citizens' should have nothing to fear, but also by claiming people were just 'in it to be in it', overreacting to a bill they didn't even (fully) understand. While this may be (partially) true in some cases (though in all honesty, I don't think anyone at the House Judiciary Committee really understood it either), I still think it's a good thing for people to openly voice their concerns on the future of the internet. That's why I sincerely hope people won't be reticent in voicing their opinions on this matter, simply because of the idea that 'we just spoke up' or the notion that we may be seen as a bunch of whiners. This stuff is important and concerns most people active on the web today (which is 30% of the world's population! That's almost one in three people on the planet![1]).
Yes, the internet's still free and open, and yes, it's been through a lot, but that's no excuse to just sit back and hope things will fix themselves and stay the same forever. Collectively, we've built 555 million websites, opened 3.1 billion e-mail accounts, shared 6 billion photos on Flickr, and are uploading an additional 4.5 million there every day[1]. We have helped build this amazing network and have given it shape in a way unprecedented before. It is also out duty to maintain and protect it.
Now I realize that may all sound a bit exaggerated to some, but I don't think it is. To most people, the internet a place to gather and share information. To many, the internet is a place to unwind and to some, the internet is a place to be anonymous. To everyone though, the internet is a place of choice and possibilities. I think this is true in general, but especially in the context of Google's new Privacy Policy and ToS, the most important choice at hand is that of identity. In real life I'm Patrick Boelens, 3D modeler and animator, programmer and game designer. Attached to me are a set of attributes, interests, social relations and much, much more. That's me, all of it.
On the internet however, there are many me's. I can present the professional part of me when I'm making tutorials or responding to mails or comments. At the very same time, I could be showing my nerdy side by posting on a Star Trek forum, lurking around and commenting on bronies.memebase.com, discussing politics through skype, talking about A Beautiful Mind on IMDB or listening to Nightwish on iTunes. They're all very different parts of me, and here's the beauty of it: They don't clash!
All of those me's are completely separate from each other, unless I specifically choose to link them/ tell people about all of those accounts. When you stop and think about it, the internet is realy just one big catalyst to a very natural human phenomenon: assuming different roles, with different people, in different places. We do this all the time in our everyday lives. When you're with friends you act differently then you would with, say, your employer or your family. This is exactly what I initially loved about Google+: You could share different messages with different people, all from the same network of people. However, it seems the almighty Google's changed it's mind about this philosophy of roles and identity.
From what I understand, the underlined 'can' in that quote should really be a 'will'. Here are two more quotes taken directly from Google's new privacy page[2]
To me, that sounds like a possible forced merger of online identities. Personally, I'd be quite unpleasantly surprised if all of a sudden my Youtube name is displaying as Patrick Boelens, rather than my l337 alter-ego Captain Awes0me. It's exactly this kind of stuff that I'm afraid will keep happening more and more and that will jeopardize the internet in it's current form. It's things like this that take away exactly that part of it that makes it so special and unique.
Granted, Google does provide a nice set of options in regards to this topic, but far from everything's optional and not everything works as promised (I just did a quick test using two different browsers; I could get a completely different order of news results for the same query).
Now I realize this is 'only Google' and probably not the end of the world, but it's still a big deal. Millions of people using Google will be affected by these changes in one way or another and looking at the bigger picture it will have a pretty big impact. On top of that, Google has become such an integral part of the web with all it's services, I feel it should take responsibility and act accordingly by providing their vast and diverse customers with more control over each of those separately. Especially since they're completely different products.
If I had signed up for, say, a 'Google Multimedia' service that added video, blogs and albums over the years I probably would've felt diffrently about this, since it's just building onto an existing platform. In reality however, I signed up for several unrelated products such as Youtube and Blogger, that Google just happened to purchase. I don't mind this. What I do mind is Google deciding I should be the same person on all of those platforms. I'm not, and I don't want to be. But moreover, I don't want Google making that call for me.
In the end, I think my problem with this new policy isn't really with Google merging privacy policies or sharing data across services. It's about losing control. Losing control over part of my online identity, and losing control over how I wish to experience the web.
Imagine you'd be married and both you and your partner had a car. What Google is doing now is as if Ford were to suddenly break into your cars and install a linked GPS system so you can keep track of each other's cars. You don't particularly dislike the function (heck, you might even find it useful sometimes), you just never asked for it either and, you know... it's your car! What right does Ford have to impose something like that on you?
I realize this post may come off as a bit dramatic, but I just wanted to get my opinion out there. Yes, I'm very stubborn and no, I don't like to sit by idly and just accept whatever changes are made. I like to be critical about things, and I would like to encourage you to do the same.
-Patrick
Sources:
[1]http://royal.pingdom.com/2012/01/17/internet-2011-in-numbers/
[2]https://www.google.com/policies/privacy/preview/
Earlier today (Jan. 24th, 2012) Google announced some more-than-minor changes to it's Privacy Policy and ToS. As far as I can tell at the time of writing, it's not that big of a deal to the general public yet, but I expect it will be before too long. Reading this article from the Washington Post, there already appear to be some major concerns (as there should be imho), so I expect the crowds to follow soon. Now before I jump on the bandwagon and talk about why I think this is a bad move from Google, I just want to say one thing about the internet in general.
Up until about a week ago we were all rebelling against the proposed SOPA and PIPA bills that would severely damage the free and open internet as we know it. During this time some people expressed their opinions against those opposing the bills, not only by stating the bills would be a good thing and that 'good citizens' should have nothing to fear, but also by claiming people were just 'in it to be in it', overreacting to a bill they didn't even (fully) understand. While this may be (partially) true in some cases (though in all honesty, I don't think anyone at the House Judiciary Committee really understood it either), I still think it's a good thing for people to openly voice their concerns on the future of the internet. That's why I sincerely hope people won't be reticent in voicing their opinions on this matter, simply because of the idea that 'we just spoke up' or the notion that we may be seen as a bunch of whiners. This stuff is important and concerns most people active on the web today (which is 30% of the world's population! That's almost one in three people on the planet![1]).
Yes, the internet's still free and open, and yes, it's been through a lot, but that's no excuse to just sit back and hope things will fix themselves and stay the same forever. Collectively, we've built 555 million websites, opened 3.1 billion e-mail accounts, shared 6 billion photos on Flickr, and are uploading an additional 4.5 million there every day[1]. We have helped build this amazing network and have given it shape in a way unprecedented before. It is also out duty to maintain and protect it.
Now I realize that may all sound a bit exaggerated to some, but I don't think it is. To most people, the internet a place to gather and share information. To many, the internet is a place to unwind and to some, the internet is a place to be anonymous. To everyone though, the internet is a place of choice and possibilities. I think this is true in general, but especially in the context of Google's new Privacy Policy and ToS, the most important choice at hand is that of identity. In real life I'm Patrick Boelens, 3D modeler and animator, programmer and game designer. Attached to me are a set of attributes, interests, social relations and much, much more. That's me, all of it.
On the internet however, there are many me's. I can present the professional part of me when I'm making tutorials or responding to mails or comments. At the very same time, I could be showing my nerdy side by posting on a Star Trek forum, lurking around and commenting on bronies.memebase.com, discussing politics through skype, talking about A Beautiful Mind on IMDB or listening to Nightwish on iTunes. They're all very different parts of me, and here's the beauty of it: They don't clash!
All of those me's are completely separate from each other, unless I specifically choose to link them/ tell people about all of those accounts. When you stop and think about it, the internet is realy just one big catalyst to a very natural human phenomenon: assuming different roles, with different people, in different places. We do this all the time in our everyday lives. When you're with friends you act differently then you would with, say, your employer or your family. This is exactly what I initially loved about Google+: You could share different messages with different people, all from the same network of people. However, it seems the almighty Google's changed it's mind about this philosophy of roles and identity.
"We’re getting rid of over 60 different privacy policies across Google and replacing them with one that’s a lot shorter and easier to read. Our new policy covers multiple products and features, reflecting our desire to create one beautifully simple and intuitive experience across Google."
"If you’re signed into Google, we can do things like suggest search queries – or tailor your search results – based on the interests you’ve expressed in Google+, Gmail, and YouTube."
From what I understand, the underlined 'can' in that quote should really be a 'will'. Here are two more quotes taken directly from Google's new privacy page[2]
"We use the information we collect from all of our services to provide, maintain, protect and improve them, to develop new ones, and to protect Google and our users. We also use this information to offer you tailored content – like giving you more relevant search results and ads.
We may use the name you provide for your Google Profile across all of the services we offer that require a Google Account. In addition, we may replace past names associated with your Google Account so that you are represented consistently across all our services."
To me, that sounds like a possible forced merger of online identities. Personally, I'd be quite unpleasantly surprised if all of a sudden my Youtube name is displaying as Patrick Boelens, rather than my l337 alter-ego Captain Awes0me. It's exactly this kind of stuff that I'm afraid will keep happening more and more and that will jeopardize the internet in it's current form. It's things like this that take away exactly that part of it that makes it so special and unique.
Granted, Google does provide a nice set of options in regards to this topic, but far from everything's optional and not everything works as promised (I just did a quick test using two different browsers; I could get a completely different order of news results for the same query).
Now I realize this is 'only Google' and probably not the end of the world, but it's still a big deal. Millions of people using Google will be affected by these changes in one way or another and looking at the bigger picture it will have a pretty big impact. On top of that, Google has become such an integral part of the web with all it's services, I feel it should take responsibility and act accordingly by providing their vast and diverse customers with more control over each of those separately. Especially since they're completely different products.
If I had signed up for, say, a 'Google Multimedia' service that added video, blogs and albums over the years I probably would've felt diffrently about this, since it's just building onto an existing platform. In reality however, I signed up for several unrelated products such as Youtube and Blogger, that Google just happened to purchase. I don't mind this. What I do mind is Google deciding I should be the same person on all of those platforms. I'm not, and I don't want to be. But moreover, I don't want Google making that call for me.
In the end, I think my problem with this new policy isn't really with Google merging privacy policies or sharing data across services. It's about losing control. Losing control over part of my online identity, and losing control over how I wish to experience the web.
Imagine you'd be married and both you and your partner had a car. What Google is doing now is as if Ford were to suddenly break into your cars and install a linked GPS system so you can keep track of each other's cars. You don't particularly dislike the function (heck, you might even find it useful sometimes), you just never asked for it either and, you know... it's your car! What right does Ford have to impose something like that on you?
I realize this post may come off as a bit dramatic, but I just wanted to get my opinion out there. Yes, I'm very stubborn and no, I don't like to sit by idly and just accept whatever changes are made. I like to be critical about things, and I would like to encourage you to do the same.
-Patrick
Sources:
[1]http://royal.pingdom.com/2012/01/17/internet-2011-in-numbers/
[2]https://www.google.com/policies/privacy/preview/
Friday, January 6, 2012
Project America
Ave, populus!
It's been a while since I last posted anything, but here I am again! In this post I'm want to talk about what I've dubbed 'Project America'. It's a tad lengthy, so get yourself a nice cup of tea and make yourself comfortable. ;)
What is Project America?
I am currently in the third year of my bachelors study (Communication & Multimedia Design) and that means it's about time for me to go on an internship. Now while I could stay here in the Netherlands (I actually already had a position offered to me, sorta), I decided to take the hard route and set my sight on something bigger: The United States of America!
But why?
I'm glad you asked! My main reason is simply because I think it'd be fun. However, there's also a logical aspect to it all. I'm afraid that if I don't go now, I'll finish school, find a job and then just never really get to it. This way I get to experience it while not having to worry about it interfering with school, work, or life in general. So why America? I'm not sure, it just seems like a cool place to me. I think I want to aim for L.A., with N.Y. as a close second, though I'm open to suggestions. Australia also seems pretty cool, so who knows I may have to change the name of this 'project' sometime in the future (I just didn't wanna go with 'Project Somewhere' for now).
Ok... but why make it a 'project'? Isn't it just a matter of getting a visum, finding a position and hopping on a plane? #MakingItSeemBiggerThanItReallyIs
Unfortunately, it's not that simple for me. As some of you may know, I have a physical handicap. In short, this means that I:
- Can't stand or walk
- Am thus bound to a wheelchair
- Have limited hand functionality
- Need help every now and then
Now this isn't a dealbreaker per sé, it just means that I have some extra things to consider and take care of. I need to find a place to stay that can offer the help I need and/ or make homecare arrangements, find a company that'll have me and is wheelchair accessible, figure out if and how I can take my wheelchair, what to do when it breaks down (and it will, trust me, I'm lucky that way), etc.
That sounds like a lot of work!
It probably is, but it'll be worth it if I can make it! (short paragraph FTW \0/)
Is there anything I (the reader) can do to help?
Why, how considerate of you to ask! (and so spontaneously, too!) Actually, I wouldn't mind a bit of information on some things. I haven't actively looked a whole lot yet either, but any 'insider info' would be more than welcome, considering it's most likely more accurate than some 5 year old website linking to other sites that are either outdated or no longer exist (I have found those, they're less helpful than one might think).
So if you know of a local place to stay at that can offer help/ care (preferably in the L.A./ N.Y. area) or perhaps a company that could use an intern, please shoot me a mail (p_boelens@msn.com) or Tweet (@SenshiSentou). =)
And with that, I end this post. I know it's not like my regular ramblings, but since I'd like to document the progress on this I figured an intro post should be in place. Thanks for reading and catch you on the flip side!
-Pat out
It's been a while since I last posted anything, but here I am again! In this post I'm want to talk about what I've dubbed 'Project America'. It's a tad lengthy, so get yourself a nice cup of tea and make yourself comfortable. ;)
What is Project America?
I am currently in the third year of my bachelors study (Communication & Multimedia Design) and that means it's about time for me to go on an internship. Now while I could stay here in the Netherlands (I actually already had a position offered to me, sorta), I decided to take the hard route and set my sight on something bigger: The United States of America!
But why?
I'm glad you asked! My main reason is simply because I think it'd be fun. However, there's also a logical aspect to it all. I'm afraid that if I don't go now, I'll finish school, find a job and then just never really get to it. This way I get to experience it while not having to worry about it interfering with school, work, or life in general. So why America? I'm not sure, it just seems like a cool place to me. I think I want to aim for L.A., with N.Y. as a close second, though I'm open to suggestions. Australia also seems pretty cool, so who knows I may have to change the name of this 'project' sometime in the future (I just didn't wanna go with 'Project Somewhere' for now).
Ok... but why make it a 'project'? Isn't it just a matter of getting a visum, finding a position and hopping on a plane? #MakingItSeemBiggerThanItReallyIs
Unfortunately, it's not that simple for me. As some of you may know, I have a physical handicap. In short, this means that I:
- Can't stand or walk
- Am thus bound to a wheelchair
- Have limited hand functionality
- Need help every now and then
Now this isn't a dealbreaker per sé, it just means that I have some extra things to consider and take care of. I need to find a place to stay that can offer the help I need and/ or make homecare arrangements, find a company that'll have me and is wheelchair accessible, figure out if and how I can take my wheelchair, what to do when it breaks down (and it will, trust me, I'm lucky that way), etc.
That sounds like a lot of work!
It probably is, but it'll be worth it if I can make it! (short paragraph FTW \0/)
Is there anything I (the reader) can do to help?
Why, how considerate of you to ask! (and so spontaneously, too!) Actually, I wouldn't mind a bit of information on some things. I haven't actively looked a whole lot yet either, but any 'insider info' would be more than welcome, considering it's most likely more accurate than some 5 year old website linking to other sites that are either outdated or no longer exist (I have found those, they're less helpful than one might think).
So if you know of a local place to stay at that can offer help/ care (preferably in the L.A./ N.Y. area) or perhaps a company that could use an intern, please shoot me a mail (p_boelens@msn.com) or Tweet (@SenshiSentou). =)
And with that, I end this post. I know it's not like my regular ramblings, but since I'd like to document the progress on this I figured an intro post should be in place. Thanks for reading and catch you on the flip side!
-Pat out
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Plus Quam Oculo Conspicitur
Hello everyone,
Earlier today I decided to catch up on some Youtube videos I hadn't gotten to yet, and one of them was this video by Morgan Paige. I always like watching Morgan's vlogs as they're generally very cheerful and optimistic. This one however, was a more serious one, in which she wanted to show another side of hers. In doing so, she revealed a lot of personal experiences and insecurities, which really got me thinking and is why I'm blogging about it now.
For one I was really surprised at some of the things she said as I would've never expected them about, or to happen to, her. This got me thinking though, and made me remember what I've known for quite some time already: That everyone's gone through certain things, but it is because of those things we are who we are. I actually take that idea (also known as the butterfly effect) quite seriously and believe that every single event, no matter how small, influences it's environment, people included. It is exactly those key moments you wish you could take back that leave a mark, that get to you, that have changed who you were into who you are today. Is that a good thing? It's hard to say. In most cases I'd say 'yes', especially if you're generally happy with who you are. I'd also tend to say (with some caution) that I believe if you haven't faced any real hardships, you won't enjoy the good things for what they are as much. (One nasty tendency we humans have is we don't know how good something is until it's gone.) On the other hand, I can imagine traumatic events that really change you, break you if you will, and have a opposite effect of making you enjoy things less than before.
Another thing I noticed about the video was the scary amount of similarities there were between how her and I think about ourselves and life in general. A few of them as stated in the video are:
- not fitting in; hard to 'label'
- wanting to move out; wanting a change (own interpretation: 'moving on')
- willing to drop everything for a friend if they need you, but not wanting them to do the same
- don't like asking for help, being dependent
- over-analytical
- having self-image issues
- thinking showing emotions is weak; wanting to detach from them
- scared of opening up to people; afraid of being hurt (or in my case: afraid people will think the idea being shared is weird)
Now I do have to say that I've 'gotten over' some of those ideas and of course some are present in more moderate amounts than others, but I still found it exceptional. On the other hand, maybe it's not so exceptional. Everyone has insecurities of course and quite possibly these are just some of the most common ones. If they are though, why do we tend to keep them to ourselves, or to let others get to us because of them?
Easy. Because we tend to glorify others in our minds. Here's a quote from Morgan (said video's description) that covers what I mean quite well:
"Although it doesn't apply to everyone, I feel like some people forget that who people are in their videos, is only one side of who they are as a person. We are all different, quirky, and broken. There are no exceptions to that. There are only people that hide it well."
Because people usually only see one side of you (the 'good' one) (not just in videos, but real life too), there exists this mental image that you must have it made somehow. That you're never anxious, depressed or mad. That you live your life pretty much carefree and that, thus, their own life is so much harder. It's not. I have to confess though, that I do exactly the same thing. But why? Knowing that I do it, why don't I stop? The be honest I haven't really figured that one out yet. Maybe it's because we want, or in some cases even need, to believe in people as strong as we imagine them to be. Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism, or maybe it's just plain old naivety.
Either way, those were just some of the things going through my mind just now. I haven't been able to phrase everything the way I wanted it to, but I can say that watching that video writing this entry has helped me clear my mind and realize a couple of things. One of which is that everyone deals with certain issues, big or small, and how, looking back, I really have hardly anything to complain about. =)
-Patrick
Earlier today I decided to catch up on some Youtube videos I hadn't gotten to yet, and one of them was this video by Morgan Paige. I always like watching Morgan's vlogs as they're generally very cheerful and optimistic. This one however, was a more serious one, in which she wanted to show another side of hers. In doing so, she revealed a lot of personal experiences and insecurities, which really got me thinking and is why I'm blogging about it now.
For one I was really surprised at some of the things she said as I would've never expected them about, or to happen to, her. This got me thinking though, and made me remember what I've known for quite some time already: That everyone's gone through certain things, but it is because of those things we are who we are. I actually take that idea (also known as the butterfly effect) quite seriously and believe that every single event, no matter how small, influences it's environment, people included. It is exactly those key moments you wish you could take back that leave a mark, that get to you, that have changed who you were into who you are today. Is that a good thing? It's hard to say. In most cases I'd say 'yes', especially if you're generally happy with who you are. I'd also tend to say (with some caution) that I believe if you haven't faced any real hardships, you won't enjoy the good things for what they are as much. (One nasty tendency we humans have is we don't know how good something is until it's gone.) On the other hand, I can imagine traumatic events that really change you, break you if you will, and have a opposite effect of making you enjoy things less than before.
Another thing I noticed about the video was the scary amount of similarities there were between how her and I think about ourselves and life in general. A few of them as stated in the video are:
- not fitting in; hard to 'label'
- wanting to move out; wanting a change (own interpretation: 'moving on')
- willing to drop everything for a friend if they need you, but not wanting them to do the same
- don't like asking for help, being dependent
- over-analytical
- having self-image issues
- thinking showing emotions is weak; wanting to detach from them
- scared of opening up to people; afraid of being hurt (or in my case: afraid people will think the idea being shared is weird)
Now I do have to say that I've 'gotten over' some of those ideas and of course some are present in more moderate amounts than others, but I still found it exceptional. On the other hand, maybe it's not so exceptional. Everyone has insecurities of course and quite possibly these are just some of the most common ones. If they are though, why do we tend to keep them to ourselves, or to let others get to us because of them?
Easy. Because we tend to glorify others in our minds. Here's a quote from Morgan (said video's description) that covers what I mean quite well:
"Although it doesn't apply to everyone, I feel like some people forget that who people are in their videos, is only one side of who they are as a person. We are all different, quirky, and broken. There are no exceptions to that. There are only people that hide it well."
Because people usually only see one side of you (the 'good' one) (not just in videos, but real life too), there exists this mental image that you must have it made somehow. That you're never anxious, depressed or mad. That you live your life pretty much carefree and that, thus, their own life is so much harder. It's not. I have to confess though, that I do exactly the same thing. But why? Knowing that I do it, why don't I stop? The be honest I haven't really figured that one out yet. Maybe it's because we want, or in some cases even need, to believe in people as strong as we imagine them to be. Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism, or maybe it's just plain old naivety.
Either way, those were just some of the things going through my mind just now. I haven't been able to phrase everything the way I wanted it to, but I can say that watching that video writing this entry has helped me clear my mind and realize a couple of things. One of which is that everyone deals with certain issues, big or small, and how, looking back, I really have hardly anything to complain about. =)
-Patrick
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Online Persona
As some of you may know, I've been having some online security issues lately. Both my e-mail accounts are sending spam and we've had an uninvited visitor on our network, sending messages to, and at one point partially controlling, my brother's laptop.
After discovering I was sending out spam from my msn-address I've started rethinking my options. The most obvious was, of course, changing my passwords. I also sent a mail asking for other counter-measures and more concrete information (such as where the mails were sent from) to Hotmail's abuse team. (They responded by simply deactivating my account, forcing me to verify myself and change my password.. again.) None of this proved effective though, as the next day the same thing happened, now also from my G-mail account. I log in from a Mac exclusively, so while unlikely, I decided to do a virus/ malware scan on it. Nothing showed up. Then the thought of abandoning my current accounts and making a new one crossed my mind and a realized something: That would be a humongous pain in the ass. Not only would I need to notify my friends and colleague of my new address, I'd also have to update it for every service or account that has that e-mail registered, including games, social media, fora, newsletters, official organizations and more... As Mercedes from Glee would say: Aaw, hell to the no!
This got me thinking as to how, even though each service requires their own form of authentication, a person's e-mail address is like the master key-card is in a hotel; it can open all the doors. Go to a site, click "forgot your password" and you get a mail with either the password itself or a link to reset it, no questions asked.
And I'm not even mentioning the kind of stunts one could pull with another's e-mail address. Sure, generally these scams are even more transparent than a new layer in Photoshop is, but it can definitely be done right. One could almost compare this to identity theft.
So how come something so important is still so (relatively) easy to compromise? And even if there were no viruses, malware or what-have-you, all it takes to reset the password is the secret question (usually a choice of ±7) and accompanying answer, which many people probably answer truthfully. As the internet becomes part of our everyday lives more and more, I think we'll have to find some new and better ways of identifying ourselves online. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if iris scans or finger-printing would be standard procedure to log in in several years. Though as I'm writing this, I realize even those can be manipulated. So I wonder, will we ever find a way to authenticate ourselves without chances of impersonation, or this just a utopian idea, built on hope and nothing more? Only time will tell.
After discovering I was sending out spam from my msn-address I've started rethinking my options. The most obvious was, of course, changing my passwords. I also sent a mail asking for other counter-measures and more concrete information (such as where the mails were sent from) to Hotmail's abuse team. (They responded by simply deactivating my account, forcing me to verify myself and change my password.. again.) None of this proved effective though, as the next day the same thing happened, now also from my G-mail account. I log in from a Mac exclusively, so while unlikely, I decided to do a virus/ malware scan on it. Nothing showed up. Then the thought of abandoning my current accounts and making a new one crossed my mind and a realized something: That would be a humongous pain in the ass. Not only would I need to notify my friends and colleague of my new address, I'd also have to update it for every service or account that has that e-mail registered, including games, social media, fora, newsletters, official organizations and more... As Mercedes from Glee would say: Aaw, hell to the no!
This got me thinking as to how, even though each service requires their own form of authentication, a person's e-mail address is like the master key-card is in a hotel; it can open all the doors. Go to a site, click "forgot your password" and you get a mail with either the password itself or a link to reset it, no questions asked.
And I'm not even mentioning the kind of stunts one could pull with another's e-mail address. Sure, generally these scams are even more transparent than a new layer in Photoshop is, but it can definitely be done right. One could almost compare this to identity theft.
So how come something so important is still so (relatively) easy to compromise? And even if there were no viruses, malware or what-have-you, all it takes to reset the password is the secret question (usually a choice of ±7) and accompanying answer, which many people probably answer truthfully. As the internet becomes part of our everyday lives more and more, I think we'll have to find some new and better ways of identifying ourselves online. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if iris scans or finger-printing would be standard procedure to log in in several years. Though as I'm writing this, I realize even those can be manipulated. So I wonder, will we ever find a way to authenticate ourselves without chances of impersonation, or this just a utopian idea, built on hope and nothing more? Only time will tell.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Ave, Mundi!
Hello! Welcome to my blog!
Yes, the time has come for me to finally enter the blogosphere and start posting whatever it is that's going through my head. Why? Excellent question! Cue the explanation!
The first and foremost reason is because I've thought about blogging several times before already, but always backed out at the last minute because I figured I'd never have anything interesting to say. However, on multiple occasions now, I did... I just didn't have a blog to put it on.
Reason number two is that I'd like a platform where I don't have to worry about who might be reading what I have or want to say. That may sound silly, but my Twitter for instance is a mix of different audiences who follow me, and who I follow, but there's definitely a clear majority of Blender-followers there. I don't mind this, au contraire, but it does make me feel somewhat... reserved, about what I post on there. Here, I don't wanna, and I'm not gonna. This blog comes without guarantees and may contain entries about anything from fluffy bunnies to game design endeavors. From Pokémon to Python-scripts. From philosophical views to... you get the idea.
My next post will probably be a more introductory kind of post, telling you all a bit about myself, my interests, hobbies, study, pets... Heh, this is starting to sound like an eighth grade show-and-tell. Anywho, we'll see how it goes from there. ;)
Thanks for reading and see you soon!
-Pat out
Yes, the time has come for me to finally enter the blogosphere and start posting whatever it is that's going through my head. Why? Excellent question! Cue the explanation!
The first and foremost reason is because I've thought about blogging several times before already, but always backed out at the last minute because I figured I'd never have anything interesting to say. However, on multiple occasions now, I did... I just didn't have a blog to put it on.
Reason number two is that I'd like a platform where I don't have to worry about who might be reading what I have or want to say. That may sound silly, but my Twitter for instance is a mix of different audiences who follow me, and who I follow, but there's definitely a clear majority of Blender-followers there. I don't mind this, au contraire, but it does make me feel somewhat... reserved, about what I post on there. Here, I don't wanna, and I'm not gonna. This blog comes without guarantees and may contain entries about anything from fluffy bunnies to game design endeavors. From Pokémon to Python-scripts. From philosophical views to... you get the idea.
My next post will probably be a more introductory kind of post, telling you all a bit about myself, my interests, hobbies, study, pets... Heh, this is starting to sound like an eighth grade show-and-tell. Anywho, we'll see how it goes from there. ;)
Thanks for reading and see you soon!
-Pat out
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